For the last several months I have been wrestling with a trial of the soul. It is one that has brought me to my knees again and again and has had me crying out for relief. In many ways I feel a bit like Job, whom the Lord allowed Satan to tempt and persecute, not because of anything wrong that Job had done but because Job needed to know what it felt like to struggle and to turn to the Lord.
As a child I was taught to imagine Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane suffering and bleeding and to ask, “How many drops were shed for me?” The image of Christ bleeding for my sins has been a powerful image in my life and I have felt guilt and sadness imagining that I added to the already heavy burden of Jesus’s load. Yet recently, I have felt my understanding of the Atonement deepen. I’ve realized that the Atonement was not just about suffering the darkness, despair and anguish of our trials and sins, but it was also an enabling power that conquered the powers of darkness and death.
“…Christ, the most perfect of all, “descended below them all” (D&C 122:8). In His hours in the Garden, Christ felt all our misery. He felt the chains of darkness wrap around Him and felt the despairing gloom, anger, and fear that threatened to overcome His power. Yet the glory of His Atonement is that He was not overcome by the darkness; He found a way out. Consequently, His message to each of us is “come, follow me” (Luke 18:22). He invites us to turn towards Him and follow Him because He, and only He knows the way out– out of sin, out of darkness and out of despair.” (Page 78)
The miracle for me this Easter season is that He felt it all, all the evil and pain of this world, and found the way out… and all I have to do is follow Him.
Thank you for your powerful testimony. I've been studying grace and the enabling power of the Atonement and this is an aspect of Christ's suffering I had not considered. It truly is wonderful.
Thank you Heather!
I came across your blog several years ago and have turned to your posts time and time again. You have a strength in living day by day as best as you can and we are all blessed that you share with us pieces of your learning and personal growth as you become (and help all of us become) the woman our dear Heavenly Father knows you will be. Thank you!